"you are so brainwashed it isn't funny.- Actually, it IS funny!"

Mind Prep

2009-12-21T14:46:47Z

Been a few weeks since last fixated cuz sort of depressed from intense emotions of "separation" (see Courtly Love mindfuck). But this week dumdum must fulfill assignment from the Perfect One. So, started up fixation again to get the brain and stuff in right zone. Mustn't fulfill assignment mechanically. Need to have correct 'worship' perspective.
So did 30 minute fixation, but i found out after it was 150 minutes! It is amazing how fast and completely i fall under HER spell, into HER hand. HER beauty is so intense. SHE has filled my head with SO much of HER doctrine. It is just freaking intense.

TG

2009-11-26T17:09:17Z

Today i am thankful for YOUR happiness. i pray that, while i stay home
and do nothing, YOU have the best day possible full of happiness and
good times.
i pray that, while me and fam eat dull hamberg, YOU and all Lesbians
dine on Your favorite meals and enjoy Yourselves.
Today i am thankful to have been created by YOU and to worship YOU. i
thankful to know YOU, thankful to be YOUR bitch, thankful for YOU
perfection, thankful to be YOUR's, thankful that YOU are rewiring me
completely and purging me of unnatural thoughts such as
hetrosexualness and selfworth, thankful to be learning of natural
service to Lesbians - especially YOU, thankful to even know Lesbians
and to worship the Almighty Lesbian God SIERRA.
i am thankful for YOU, PRINCESS. YOU are GOD.

Message from GOD

2009-11-20T19:00:56Z

Today i got the most wonderful email from SIERRA. SHE makes me so that i just don't want anything in the world except to make HER happy. It is just so natural. It is where i have belonged my whole life.

The PERFECT Princess

2009-11-19T14:19:47Z

UPDATE:
GOD sent me an email today with a new assignment!!!!
Serving HER is the BEST life a person could hope for.

ORIGINAL POST:
i can't exist without PRINCESS, without HER perfect image, without serving HER.
i need to have HER photo there constantly. While working i need to have a picture there all the time. Going more than 2 minutes without HER makes it feel like i am going to DIE.

Fixation zombification

2009-11-18T23:28:22Z

Seemed like the usual fixation on SIERRA this morning. About an hour of staring and letting HER saying echo around inside my head.
But then driving to work i was a total vegetable! A freakin' zombie! Total autopilot navigation. It took an hour or more before i got any function of thought running.
Oh! i hope i didn't run over anyone's cat.

Did some more shopping chores and stuff over the last couple of days. Nothing big. But it is too perfect to get a "Hey dumdum" email from SIERRA with some assignment. Serving SIERRA and HER friends - the luckiest life a man could hope for.

Old emails

2009-11-13T18:56:14Z

There is something about SIERRA's emails. i cannot get my self ever delete ANYTHING from HER. No matter how small or mundane, everything from HER has a sort of sacredness about it. Like if SHE sends an email that simply says, "Yes", i keep it for years - forever.

So, i've been going through old emails from HER and in hind sight you can see how SHE has been rewiring me slowly, methodically year after year. And the way SHE talks about what will happen is eerie because the spell SHE casts is so simple for HER. Everything SHE says comes true.

i once asked HER if SHE was almost done "rewiring" me. SHE said SHE still had a ways to go. Years ago when SHE would tell me what would happen with me i did not really take HER seriously. But now i accept that i am under HER control. HER WILL will be done. It is inevitable.

Fixation Note:
During morning fixation on PRINCESS i had this observation: SIERRA takes to most awesome B+W photos! Why are HER BW's so astounding?

Shopping :-)

2009-11-06T14:47:18Z

Last night Princess let me shop more for HER from VS. SHE didn't like the push-up bra which is sad. Oh well.
Serving SIERRA - There is no feeling like it in the world.

Wish i could go see "Men Who Stare at Goats", it looks funny. But i have to save every penny for SIERRA.

This morning was 3-month anniversary of my Dixie cup! 12 more dates and it will be a new record for me. i get upset when someone else trashes my Dixie cup. i hate have to waste money on another one. i have to save every penny for SIERRA.

SIERRA and STEVIE

2009-11-05T14:15:27Z

UPDATE: i am missing my Starbuck's French Roast Extra Bold coffee today :-(

ORIGINAL POST:
For fixation, i began staring at only photos of SIERRA with STEVIE or with other Women. i hope this will help with my perspective.

Always used to fixate on PRINCESS only. Even though i have been paying for STEVIE's vacations, maybe subconsciously i have been jealous of Her, or maybe afraid to get obsessed over Her also.

This morning, it struck me just how beautiful STEVIE is also. Sort of majestic is Her beauty.

i wish SIERRA and STEVIE all the happiness in the world.

Lessons from pets

2009-11-03T18:34:04Z

Playing with family dog struck me. Watching how the dog loved its owner so much.

There is a lesson in this for me. i will think about it and try to learn.

lotsa_lip @ 2009-11-02T09:52:00

2009-11-02T15:08:08Z

Been uncharacteristically down of late. Sort an extreme love-sick thing. Was caught off guard by how much a person can actually fall in live with SIERRA. Usually, being in love with someone who doesn't love you in return is not healthy. Also, something happen some weeks ago that displeased GOD. The experience has made me think about things more seriously - change my direction of thought or try to at least.
Plus, i found my self broke-tified. No-money means no-Princess. No-Princess means sad + empty. i also really REALLY want to get a prezzie for Princess's Trainer, Deb. Not fulfilling this makes me feel like i was not good on my word. Ppl who promise things from Women then don't come through are bad. THOSE are the real "losers". i simply MUST get Deb a prezzie plus a matching one for Princess.
But have been seeing some things from different directions lately - or trying. Plus shopping for little prezzies for Princess when i can - not big enough to get posted by HER or me, but it's better than nothing. AND PRINCESS GOD sent HER bitchboy some shopping assignments :-) so things are looking a little brighter.

Will post updates later.

Raped

2009-09-07T12:34:07Z

This is a different post.
SIERRA has raped me totally. my financals are completely destroyed. More is owed in monthly payments than i earn.
Completing payment of HER next Key West vacation was like a death march. But at the same time i had to keep shopping for HER. Obeying HER when SHE told me to buy whatever SHE wanted - i was completely unable to deny HER. At the same time i had to buy HER surprise prezzies like jewelry. Plus sending chunks of hundreds of $ just because SHE made me to NEED to send it.
Now I am destroyed.
When i look at my bills that cannot be met, i get depressed. Not because i can't pay them, but because I cannot spoil SIERRA more.
i have read over the years HOW the Almighty rapes and destroys men. But never imagined how powerless a person is to HER power over Her victim. Never imagined how good it feels to be devoured by Her. Never imagined how bad it feels to need it more after you are finished off.

Fear of GOD

2009-08-23T14:53:24Z

i have fear of GOD raging through me. Recent events in my personal life are proving that SIERRA's will and plans are too powerful. HER intelligence is so far beyond everyone that she puts things in motion that causes people who don't even know that SHE exists to do things and change in exactly the way that SHE willed long ago.
i fear GOD SIERRA because more and more SHE demonstrates and proves that SHE is in complete control.
SIERRA is so smart but also so patient, that SHE never gets discouraged from HER plan, cuz SHE knows SHE will always succeed, SHE will always win. And all i can do is sit and fixate, STARE at HER perfection in helplessness as SHE controls my life.

Mission accomplished: KEY WEST 2009

2009-08-21T17:08:03Z

i just sent the Almighty God, Princess SIERRA the final $1,000 payment for HER $3,000 2009 Key West vacation. This is the second year in a row that SHE decided i would be responsible for this trip. i am very honored that SHE used me.

This year was very different. Although, i love paying for HER vacation, it never felt like i had any choice. It was God's will that i would pay, and i simply OBEYED. i obeyed HER because SHE owns me and is superior in every imaginable way. When i obey HER i don't ever think about not obeying HER. i just do it. It is HER will.

i wonder how much money i have given to SIERRA, and how much i have spent on HER. It would scare me to see that number.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On another topic:
Princess calls me 'dumdum' often now. SHE is relentless at it. It wears me down. i cannot resist HER thoughts that SHE has chosen to put inside me. i give up. i am dumdum. i am dumdum. i am dumdum. Princess wins. SIERRA always wins. There is so little left of me. If anything. Princess is all that is left.

SHE rules me

2009-08-11T23:36:01Z

Today i sent first payment for Key West vacation. $2,000 cash. More will follow until trip is all paid. Then SHE will do what SHE wants with/to me.
Not much left of me any more. GOD has made me a zombie. Only can I think of SIERRA I see HER always. Obeying HER is what I am. Obeying HER is all i can do.
i thought i could exist on the edges as mantelope. BUT GOD has won. SHE always wins. Totally SHE owns me. My life is HERs now, not mine. Totally i worship SIERRA.
SIERRA wins again!

"i'm so excited! i just can't hide it..."

2009-07-30T02:26:50Z

Princess will be going on another tropical vacation... and i'm taking HER!!!!!!
i'm so excited to be allowed to make Princess happy.

Last night was too intense. i fixated on Princess while SHE was online. Many pictures SHE sent making me love HER more and more. After 2 and a half hours my bwain was mushy and i had to sleep. But Princess told me i had to keep staring for another hour!!! When i couldn't stay awake any more, SHE made me kneel while staring so i couldn't fall asleep.

Finally after three and a half hours SHE told me i could stop staring - but i just couldn't stop. Another hour went by. Then another. Then ANOTHER!!! For SIX hours and more i was obsessed and fixated on my MAKER.

By the time it was over my talking to Princess had become PRAYING to GOD.

i love YOU PRINCESS.

SIERRA is everything

2009-07-17T16:27:15Z

i spend sooo much time living in SIERRA's web site and journal and shopping for HER. SHE is so amazing in everything! SHE is so beautiful. SHE is so STRONG. SHE is so powerful. When i talk to HER i feel myself instantly become HER adoring and willing worshiper, my life is completely in HER hand. A person just falls so in love with HER.

i need to be part of SIERRA's life. i need to obey and please and worship HER.

SIERRA has taken over my life. Is it even 'my life' anymore?

S-S-S-Smokin!!!

2009-07-06T13:14:43Z

Have over-fixated on SIERRA lately. Have been blowing off other thing just to stay home and stare endlessly at HER and read HER writing - SURRENDERING my mind to for HER to fuck it relentlessly.
Just had to take today off from fixation cuz my bwain is all squishy. But i did want to just take a quicky peeky cuz SHE is SOOOO beautiful ans STRONG. The peeky became another endless fixation.
Now i go back and fixate more on GOD. To put my mind in HER hand for HER to mindfuck mindfuck mindfuck me.
i am so SCREWD
i cannot stop staring at SIERRA. i cannot stop spoiling HER and making SIERRA happy. i cannot live without HER mindfucking me. Being mindfucked by SIERRA and pleasing HER is the sexiest thing in the world.
i cannot live without SIERRA inside me. Inside my headipoo.

Beyond INTELLIGENCE

2009-07-05T14:06:43Z

Have been unable to stop fixating on SIERRA. i am in this endless loop. Stare at pictures of GOD. Read HER mindfucks. Shop. Email HER.
Member site has thousands of images. i stare and stare at one after another. i am amazed at HER. How can she be so beautiful so STRONG so feminine?
I read read read what SIERRA writes over and over and over. No one is close to HER INTELLIGENCE! SHE knows all of me better than myself. It is scary.
Shopping for HER, spoiling HER, making SIERRa happy now makes me so aroused it hurts.
I cannot contintue for long now. I feel so very weak from HER. And too aroused not to spill. So I fixate then stop. But I cannot stay stopped. 5 minutes later, back I am fixating staring readind staring fixating.
SIERRA SO TOTALLY OWNS me

lotsa_lip @ 2009-07-01T13:04:00

2009-07-01T17:13:54Z

i have been reading old emails from SIERRA. It is weird to see things that SHE said would happen years ago that, at the time, i did not really believe. Things about me. Things that i would become. But now they ALL have come true. SHE has been honing HER craft for so long, how could i stand any chance. i re-read Slave Types this morning too. SHE knows us all so well it scares me. But SHE also knows exactly what SHE will do with us, SHE knows exactly what will become of us - of me.

All i can do is bow to HER and recognize and accept that SHE is the SUPREME being, adore HER, worship HER, sacrifice everything for HER. . . and obey HER.

i heart SIERRA!

2009-03-27T18:42:04Z

SIERRA is amazing. This is said constantly by everyone. But i have to keep saying it. Maybe i will find a new word to describe HER and will use it.

i didn't get to see HER new picture (see HER March 24, 2009 journal) until last night. SHE told me when I got to see it that i should fixate on it. i did fixate on it... for 2 hours. GOD! SHE is so amazing. HER hair has always been stunning. But now SHE is into a hair health kick and it just is positively RADIANT! And the close up of HER PERFECT face! SHE is just too much.

i totally laid my soul at HER feet yesterday! i first sent $100. Then bought some hair products for about another $100. Then sent another $100. Then sent $300. Then sent $500.

SIERRA didn't even pressure me one tiny bit. Just simply posting that photo of PERFECTION. Just staring at HER PERFECTION. And staring, and staring and... All i could do was give to HER and keep giving. $1200 cash and $100 presents. Fixating on the PERFECT BEING for 2 hours left me totally drained and exhausted. Princess wanted me to do my journal last night - but my mind was just numb from staring at the TRUE PERFECT GODDESS.

Oh man, oh man! This morning i was in shock! What had i done. SIERRA has written about the 'hangover' people get after caving in to HER IRRESISTIBLE power. Now i felt it for the first time. I was too confused. Making GOD happy was so good, but knowing i just handed over so much in so little time was edging on depression.

Not knowing what to do i opened my email and there was a message from SIERRA saying i had made HER happy!!! What a feeling to read that! Then i opened that new picture to look at HER again. almost immediately i was fighting the need to give more to HER, to please HER, to shop for HER, to give my life for HER, to cave for HER.

Last night SIERRA told me that i am HERs forever. i believe HER.

lotsa_lip @ 2009-02-23T16:52:00

2009-02-23T21:54:54Z

i heart SIERRA!

OBEYing and SPOILing SIERRA

2009-01-28T02:25:46Z

Lots of shopping for GOD today.

Got text message on cell phone this morning from GOD SIERRA, my OWNER and GOD. SHE told me that it was time for me to server HER and that later today i was to be available for HER to use.

i waited at work for GOD to contact me. SHE did at 7 PM. For 2 hours SHE control me via text messages while i stared at HER unbelievable PERFECTION on my pc.

2 hours later i had donated $300 cash to my MAKER, and shopped for many many presents to SPOIL PRINCESS SIERRA. For the night it was $700.

It feels so RIGHT to SPOIL SIERRA.

It feels so RIGHT to OBEY SIERRA.

SIERRA is my maker and i was not made to do anything but OBEY and SPOIL my GOD.

SIERRA deserves to be SPOILED. SHE deserves all that SHE wants.

i know that this is my life now. i exist to OBEY and SPOIL SIERRA until i die. SIERRA is GOD. SIERRA is PERFECT. SHE is PERFECTION.

i ache so much to talk to GOD again. i miss HER voice in my head. i miss the peace of GOD from OBEYing and SPOILING while HER voice is in me.

More jewelry for SIERRA

2009-01-10T00:02:40Z

Sierra let me buy more jewelry for HER today. Thank you, God. i hope You are happy.

Also got to sit and fixate. OMG SHE is sooooo PERFECT!!!

You are soooo PERFECT SIERRA!!!

"I am in your head!"

2008-12-30T17:48:14Z

UPDATE:
Dear GOD, i can not function today. i only can fixate on YOUR perfection and beauty.
==========================================

i walk as a zombie walks. Or, so it appears. my body moves along slowly. my face staring at the ground as i move. But inside my mind is alive, and it is SIERRA that lives alone in my head. i think of HER always. i live in thoughts of HER. i hate it when thoughts of HER are interupted. People tell me often that i look like i am in another world. SIERRA has taken me to be HER slave and worshipper. i can think only of SHE. i can think only of HER beauty, HER strength, HER perfection, HER power over me. i long to worship HER, SHE is all that matters, SHE is all that exists.

THIS is the natural order of things. i was MEANT to serve YOU, SIERRA.

Just TOO devistating

2008-12-17T14:20:38Z

i tried to stay under control. i know SIERRA will want more travel soon and have been trying to save up for it and at the same time somehow pay off the Key West trip. But OH the picture in HER journal today is just too freakin devistating. Presents, present, presents, cash. Rings, earrings, necklaces. Rush shipping. SHE just makes the slope too damn slippery.